On Friday afternoon, I got the call that no one ever wants to get...my husband, my Jeff...he's gone...found with no pulse, not breathing, worked on by the wonderful stranger who found him, the EMTs, the doctors...they couldn't bring him back to me...and they did an autopsy to find out why he just died at 34...and now he's awaiting his cremation on Tuesday morning...
My parents just left to go home a few hours ago...my aunt flew up from NC and is staying til I tell her to go home...friends and family are calling often to check on me, to offer help and commiseration...I know I will have his mom & aunt here on Tuesday and my folks back on Wed. as well...
I'm alone for the first time since I got that call...and it's still not really hitting me yet...there was the few moments right after the doctor told me he's gone, and since then it's like I'm on auto pilot, trying to think of everything that needs to be taken care of, everyone that needs to be notified, and I've been going from one task to the next and I know I'm in shock...and I'm not actually being strong like so many people have told me I am, but rather that I'm not actually dealing with this at all yet...and recognizing that fact, I'm trying to take care of every thing I can now, cause I have no doubt when the dam breaks, I'm going to be worthless for a while...how long did it take to close Pandora's box once it was opened??
We'll be having a good Viking send off for Jeff in a bit, still in the planning stages...I don't think I'll actually start arranging anything for it til after I have brought him home and made all the calls to the credit cards and student loans and all that...
But then what do I do after all that is done??? What do I do now???
My insane journey discovering just how many things I can make with some yarn, a hook, and my own two hands. Plus stuff about the kids, hubby, cat, and my life too!
Pent pillow I made for a friend
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- NC, United States
9 comments:
*hugs*
Im so sorry for your loss if you need anything we are here for you on the ville you are in my prayers and thoughts
(((HUGS)))) to you and your family.
our condolence on your loss.
I wish I knew what to say and had the answer.
Just know we all care for you Jess
You know Tom and I are here for you. Each moment you get through is a victory and Jeff will always be with you.
I am so sorry Jess {{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}
my heart goes out to you and your kids... what else can I say, take care of your self, as this must be such a challenge for you.
My thoughts are with you and your family as you tredge thru this time. Hugs to you and your children.
hi jess honey all you can do is take things one day at a time, its going to take you a long time to deal with his death, maybe when you know why he died it might help you in understanding, then again how can we understand someone so young and special leaving us. just know he will be with you always. on days when you think your alone, he will be there cheering you on sweetie. i hope that you let people help you when you need someone, you have tons of friends who care about you and want to help if you only ask. blessings on you and your family, i can not imagine how sad you must be , remember some day in another life you will be together and that jeff is always around you. he will be watching over you guiding you, when you do finally break down(and you will we all do honey) it will be the begining of some closure. giving jeff a good old fashioned viking send off will be so much better for you to deal with. i wish i could give you a hug and am sending you one with cyberspace. take care sweetie. even though i have not talked to you before much or really know you, i do care about you honey. take care of yourself, let your body tell you what you need and don't forget to eat, your girls need you too mom hugs honey
Jess, I wish I was there to hug you. I'm sure I speak for everyone at the 'ville when I say let us know if you need anything at all. I have you and your girls in my prayers sweetie.
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