Things are happening...

So, I took a bit of a break this weekend, had my mom come up and wrangle the minis and I went to hang out with a very special friend of mine that I haven't seen in 2 years...had fun, got drunk...BTW, anyone planning on drinking Red Bull & vodka...either start really early in the day with those or only have 1 or 2..cause by the time we turned in at 5 AM the caffine kicked in and I didn't actually fall asleep til after 9 AM the next morning LOL!!

And I just heard from my aunt that tomorrow she's meeting with my realtor down in NC to look at a few houses for me!! This is really odd for me...I still feel like I'm 18 or 19...and she's doing the pre-lim walk through on houses that I'm looking to buy...that's such a grown-up thing...when the hell did I get to the point where "grown up" could actually apply to me??? I'm really excited to see what she thinks of the places, and just maybe there's a chance that I might be able to get the housing situation all taken care of before the end of the school year...that would make the logistics of the move alot easier!!

Last night I was sitting on my front porch, smoking a cigarette...yep, I started smoking again, but not in the house and not in the car with the kids...and feeling really pretty blue...I'm not used to being alone anymore...and so I came back inside and signed up for Friend Finders...I stressed the point that I'm only looking for friends cause I'm recently widowed with 2 kids and a new relationship is pretty much the LAST thing I want to even think about right now...but I listed my zip code as Vanceboro, NC and that's the area I'm looking in...it would be nice to have a few possible friendships started when I get down there...though I have a feeling that my cousins will make a habit of dropping by with their buddies just to check up on me...I really have no clue if the friend finder thing will work, but at the very least it will give me the arena to rid myself of a bit of social rust...and I'm not dopey enough to give any personal info, so when the month long membership expires I won't have to worry about crazy stalker people finding me LOL...

On one hand, I really want it to be summer so that I can get on with the next phase of my life, whatever that might be...on the other hand, I really don't want to leave the places where I can remember Jeff with us...and at the same time, maybe it would be easier without the reminders around me...I don't know...

I've got a follow up meeting with R's school to go over the more in-depth eval they did at her ped's request, and I've now got a list of child psychologists so that her ped can tell me which he'd like me to bring her to...a step closer to the actual official diagnosis...man, I just want to know what the hell to do from this point...where do we go from here?? I want the not knowing part to be over and to get to the managing part of the program already!!

OK, enough babble..enough ranting...I get to hang out with some very special friends this weekend, very much looking forward to this...but it does mean that at some point I have to vacuum...if only I could remember where I put that thing....hmmmm...maybe time to start the search LOL!!

Something to look forward to..

So, today on MySpace I see a message from an old HS friend of mine, that this weekend he's inviting pals over for drinking & movies & general fun times...now I haven't seen him since right before we moved to CT, actually this August would be 2 years...but we've chatted on and off since then on MySpace and he really was one of my closest & dearest friends in HS and just after...he's just that friend that will always mean something to me, regardless of the fact that we don't keep in touch all that well...

So, I dropped him a note and asked if he would mind me joining the fun if I can get an overnight sitter for the girls...he was really happy to hear from me, but when I mentioned something about Jeff's dying, he had no idea it had happened...I mentioned that I'd blogged about it on MySpace and he said he wasn't subbed to my blog so he hadn't read it til just now...and now he's beating himself up for not being here for me for the last month...I told him that he could make it up to me by sharing a few hugs with me (cause he ALWAYS gave the best hugs ever!) and getting me drunk LOL...now I just have to talk to my mom or MIL about an overnighter...

And as soon as I finish messaging with this pal of mine, I get an email from my MIL about my SIL, who is now going to be getting a pacemaker in the morning...and the last surgery she had, she flatlined on the table, so even something as rutine as a pacemaker is NOT so rutine with her...so I really don't think I should ask my MIL about this weekend...so that leaves my mom...and mom always loved this friend of mine and knows that I have pretty much no social life right now...if she can do it, she will I know....

But now I have to wait til she gets off from work to speak with her (they're not allowed to have their cell phones on while at work) and I HATE waiting for anything...but the fact that I might actually be able to go out and hang with people who knew me before I was with Jeff, who are more used to me as me alone and not as me & Jeff...I really want to go, to see these people I haven't seen in 7 years or more...and if I can't I'm going to be very dissappointed...I might just have to talk to my buddy about maybe getting together another weekend if this one doesn't work out...grrr...I hate waiting!!

I think I'm going to unearth Mom's desk number at work and see if she can talk for a moment....

Been a while...again...

OK...when I started this blog, it was at a friend's request and I told her I was no good at keeping up with these things...and I think my track record of posting once or twice a month has proven that true LOL...

SO! Since my last entry, we had Jeff's sombel (traditional Viking send off, lots of food, alcohol & people who loved him) and it went off wonderfully...that was two weeks ago. It was probably the hardest day I've ever had to get through, with so many people who cared for him coming and telling me how wonderful he was...there were so many people there that i pretty much only spoke to each person for a few minutes and then had to move on to the next group...I feel badly that I didn't spend more time with certain friends, or with the family members who traveled hours from other states, but what's done is done...

After that, I started NutraSystem. I started that this past Monday and as of this morning, I'm down 5 pounds. That's a good start as far as I'm concerned. I'm finding it difficult to eat everything they tell me I'm supposed to eat though...it's funny to me how much more I have to eat to lose weight...

And today was supposed to be my 7th wedding anniversary. I celebrated by doing some major on-line shopping for myself. New clothes, a couple bracelets, stuff that I know I will look good in, that I know I will use, that I normally wouldn't spend the money on (cause it's for me) but that Jeff always would try and push me to buy....and so now I get to wait for the boxes to start arriving!! That'll be fun, opening them and trying everything on.

In the last month, I've completed the two pillows I was making, and of course I mailed them to my friends without taking pictures of them....I've also been working on halter tops for the kids for summer, and I just started a baby set for one of my on-line mommy friends who is expecting her next mini in June...